It's been a while...

2 of the 3 Boys.  Not teenagers yet - but might be by the time I do my next entry. 

The other boy still acts like a teenager sometimes - does that count?

Well, my hopes of keeping up with this blog were quickly shattered as I came to finally do an entry and I was completely unable to even remember how to log in and begin to blog. After finally achieving that great feat (I won't tell you how long it took), I was feeling a bit better about myself and I noticed a comment on one of my past blogs from my college roomie welcoming me to the blogger world and asking me if she could be a 'follower'. (Love you Kim!) Now, this normally would have made me feel pretty good had I not noticed the date she sent it to me. May. She commented in May. Not this past May...2 Mays ago! May 2011. This, my friends, is NOVEMBER 2012! Just in case you forgot. And so my journey of never ending flawed self-realization continues. Otherwise known as...

Perfectionism. What a funny yet fully loaded word. And by funny, I mean the kind of funny that everyone laughs but is really feeling incredibly sorry for you kind of funny. I am pretty upfront with others about the fact that I am not perfect. None of us are...which makes me feel a bit better about myself. But when perfection collides with failure - now that is dangerous.

When one has the idea of precision in one's head, yet does not perceive to even come close to said perfectness in a part of one's life - failure is perceived as a very real viewpoint. This is propelled into the third realm of interesting by the fact that one never ever thought it was going so perfectly bad in the first place. Now, go ahead and clean off your screen - because boy howdy, that was a lot of 'P's'!

I never saw this more real in my own life as with a situation that happened to me within this past year. It had all the juicy components: betrayed trust, blatant betrayal from perceived friends, the loss of something so important to someone that it sends this person out of control in a fit of failure - only catapulted further by one's perfectionistic self. Oh ya, Days of our Lives has got nothin' on this story! But enough of my bon bon eating, soap opera watching afternoons... the plot awaits!

And by plot, I mean point. Someday, I will be ready to share the plot with you all. But, on my road to healing - I don't think I'm at that stop sign yet. But I will say this. God is BIG. Ok, ok... you're wondering how in the world is this crazy woman throwing God into her perfectionistic, ADHD, failure laden rant you ask? Because that is exactly why He loves us so much. Because we do just that. We fail. We lose hope. We sin. He, my friends, does not. If we were like Him, we wouldn't need Him.

To this I cling. To this, you can cling too.

Now before you go on and feel badly for 'poor Shari' and send me messages asking how you can help me thru this hard time.... please stop (unless you want to offer to bring meals in - I'm always up for that). Please know that much of my writing is laced in humor. I have begun to coin it, "Inspirationomedy". Don't use it - or I will go all trademark on you.  I promise.  For reals on that.  I'm here to offer my struggles, joys and much more to those who will endure it to listen. It's doing life together, blogger style. And to those of you who have read this entire entry and not laughed once - I apologize - just take the 'omedy' out of 'inspiration' if you must. If you need to remove the 'inspiration' too - then you might need to message me and see how you can help. However, if you do that - you will FOR sure be bringing me a meal. Just a warning.

Stay tuned...I will share the plot someday. And, there will be just as many 'P's' in that story. As well as sword fights, damsels in distress and gnomes bounding in to save the day. Yes, gnomes people - I said gnomes. You can now put that 'omedy' back in that you took out earlier. And when I do share (after my therapist tells me I'm ready) God will still be BIG and I will still be a Saint in His eyes, PPPPPPerfectionism and all. So thankful for that.